Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
