In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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