Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
