I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
