I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
