I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
