i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
