I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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