If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
