and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
