Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have fence marks all over my body
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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