I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
