i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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