You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
