I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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