a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
