the condom got lost in my hair
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
