My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
