fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
