I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
