i jhust puked up my retainher.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
