She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are all done wearing pants today
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize