My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
