fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
