I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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