I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
