why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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