By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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