It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The air taste purple.
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