They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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