Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
