So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
