they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
