Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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