There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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