Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
