its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
