she looked like the before picture.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
