you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will be naked everywhere
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
