she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
