But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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