i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
