wanna go halves on a baby?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
