ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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