so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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