I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
