I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
