Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
