Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The air taste purple.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
