I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
