I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
