Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
