Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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