I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
