I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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