I hate your face
We won't sleep together?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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