You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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